E-mail for lovers

Excerpt from the novel Email for lovers by Beatriz Salcedo-Strumpf


I’m shocked! What’s this about doling out my semen? After all, I’m not for rent. That’s why there are Banks for all the living species in the USA. And if in-vitro fertilization and condoms exits it’s because nobody ever asked me for my opinion.

At any rate, if it falls on Friday, and my hormones are raging adequately, and if I’m not in love with anyone else, and I approve her health  status of the candidate in question, and if I can assure myself of sufficient sexual fantasies to do battle, and if she happens to be brunette and intelligent and articulate, she’ll clearly see what class of courtier she’ll be dealing with, what class of refined beast I am, and if she happens to possess a pretty smile and is nice and admires me, then just might be the one who will be invited to my seventh heaven so that I can perform “a little mountain climbing on her peak of Venus.”

The next time that you offer me to anyone, first read this second paragraph and make sure she complies strictly with ALL the conditions. Then maybe this stud will come out of his stall, ready no to disappoint you. And, of course, my sexual religion is totally orthodox: ABSOLUTELY NO ARTIFICES AND NO ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION! REMEMBER, DEAR FRIEND, SEX IS THE ENEMY OF CIVILIZATION- THOUGH NOT NECESSARILY OF THE REFINEMENT OF CIVILIZATION- AND ITS MATTER IS NATURAL, PRIMOGENIAL, HUMAN, ALIVE!

Now you have enough material to make a brochure, in case you decide to keep on offering my services.


One thought on “E-mail for lovers

  1. How is sex the enemy of civilization? I understand they are being figurative/metaphoric what have you here, but when you think about it? I acknowledge, often times people act irrationally/illogically while thinking about/obsessing about sex, however that is not always true. That statement seems to be a tad over-generalizing… Sex is also procreation mind you, without procreation there would BE NO CIVILIZATION! A complete hypocrisy; a true oxymoron!

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